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Life Stories
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Transgender people sharing their life stories with you. They are very personal, but might help you to understand transgenderism or you might find parallels to your own life.
Every life and journey is different. If you have your own life story to contribute, please contact us. You can choose any form and language you are comfortable and may stay anonymous if you wish.
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My name is Lolita Marcelee and I am a Trans woman. I identified as a woman from the age of six and understood that my physical body is different from what I felt it should be. I played with girls, and had my first relationship with a boy at Primary School at the age of seven. I did not like wearing my school uniform, but I found a way to feminise my clothing. All the children accepted me. They did not mock me nor were they nasty to me.
I was a good athlete, but had to compete in the boy’s team. I was accepted at high school for my athletics; they wouldn’t accept me at first. I wasn’t interested in subjects for boys like woodwork and handwork. I wanted to do needlework and I always ended up in the office for this.
Then I went to Cambridge College where I could dress as I wanted and I was allowed to use the female toilets.
I actually grew up with my grandmother who died in her seventies when I was 22. She understood me and accepted me. But my parents did not understand. They wanted to take me to see a psychiatrist, but I refused to go. Recently, though, I discussed it with my parents and they are learning to accept me being transgender, especially my mother.
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My Lewensreis – Julia Swanepoel (scroll down for English translation)
Die lewe gaan oor die eindbestemming, maar ook oor die reis op pad daarheen. Langs die pad moet mens aanpas, soms ook seerkry; maar een van die mees belangrike dinge is om te leer om te oorleef binne ons samelewing met sy eie opvattings en mensgemaakte spelreëls. Dit is makliker gesê as gedaan. Hier is my storie...
Ek lê skynbaar iewers op die outisme-asperger-spektrum, wat dit ookal beteken. Al wat ek weet is dat ek anders is. Ek was op ‘n spesiale skool. Ek was egter altyd ‘anders’ en dit het nie te make met skoolwerk, of my hakkel as ek praat nie. Soos ek ouer geword het, het my hakkel minder geword, maar nie die ‘ander’ ding nie...
Die ‘ander’ ding: As kind het ek alte graag my sussie se ‘panties’ en netbal rompe aangetrek en dit het altyd vir my lekker en reg gevoel – dis die mens wat ek eintlik graag wou wees – ‘n dogtertjie en nie ‘n seuntjie nie! Toe ek groter word het ek steeds in my sussie en my ma se kaste gekrap en gereeld hul klere aangepas en gedra. Soms is ek uitgevang en dan het ek raas gekry, maar ek kon dit nie keer nie... Hulle klere was wat ek graag permanent wou dra. Noudat ek groot is, is dit steeds dieselfde – ek wil vrou wees, nie man nie. Inteendeel – ek voel vrou, maar is in ‘n man se lyf gebore.
Soos wat ek oor die jare ouer geword het, het ek maar in die geheim ‘n ‘cross-dresser’ begin word en ervaar hoe geweldig moeilik dit vir my was/is om ‘n man in die dag te wees en om saans en snags (in my huis, agter geslote deure, vensters en toe gordyne) ‘n fyn vroutjie in vroueklere en vroue-onderklere te wees. Ek moes dit so doen om te oorleef. Ek het immers gewoon op ‘n baie konserwatiewe en eng dorpie op die platteland (Noord-Weste) en die mense daar verdra nie iets wat enigsins anders is as wat almal moet wees volgens hulle norme en standaarde, nie. Ek was en is ‘anders’ as meeste mense se norm van hoe mens moet wees.
Ek het die laaste jare veral toenemend gevoel en geweet ek gaan sukkel om in die ‘middel’ te bly voortleef; om bedags ‘so’ te wees an saans en snags ‘sus’. Ek het op my eie manier begin om maar daarmee saam te lewe. Bedags die manlewe gedoen (‘n valse voorhou van myself aan die wêreld) in die samelewing en saans en snags die werklike vrou wat ek voel ek is, alleen en eensaam, agter geslote deure en toe gordyne... Dit het al swaarder geword vir my soos ek ouer geword het. Ek het begin om al hoe meer moedeloos en opstandig te voel en het gesukkel om dit te hanteer. ‘n Paar jaar gelede het ek my twee beste vriende op die dorp van my situasie vertel en het hulle beide in my vertroue geneem. Hulle is ‘n getroude paartjie en was jare my vriende. Hulle het egter vir my gelag en stories begin versprei... Dit maak seer...
Ek het uiteindelik (2009) besluit om te oorweeg om Kaap toe te trek na my familie toe, veral toe ek gehoor het Groote Schuur kan my dalk help om vrou te word en ook gehoor het van die wonderlike troos en bystand wat Gender DynamiX en Triangle aan mense soos ek kan bied.
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The Young Lady Who Beat The Odds
Written by Charl Marais
 Transsexuality is an infant phenomenon in South Africa and though much research has gone into it, there is a great lack of information on this condition. This came at a high price for Jennifer* who endured sodomy and humiliation at the hands of other teens looking for her “hidden vagina”. This is the story of a courageous young lady who beat the odds and overcame adversities to live a life other’s find fascinating … this is Jennifer’s* story.
Upon meeting Jennifer, I was taken aback by how femininely she comes across. It is evident this 28 year old pays particular attention to fashion sense and grooming. Jennifer was born in January 1982 as a male child. Jennifer always knew she was different and remembers having a strong desire to wear dresses like the cousin she grew up with.
Though identifying with traits and habits from the opposite gender from a young age, Jennifer was reminded sternly by her family, friends and peers that she has to behave in line with what society determined to be “male behaviour”.
“I was often reminded in the harshest way that I was still a boy and had to behave as such,” Jennifer says.”I was beat often, both at home and school, from a very young age”. This clearly did not put off this determined woman. She says that adversities became challenges on which she firmly stood her ground.
The biggest challenge for Jennifer was being born and raised in a small town in the Eastern Cape. “Growing up in the rural Eastern Cape presented unique challenges in that there was no information regarding my situation. Up to the age of fifteen, I did not even know what this phenomenon was called. The only thing that was very clear to me was the desire to become a woman”.
Her situation was very controversial both at school and at home. Jennifer assigns this controversy to the fact that people did not understand her situation. Circumstances worsened for Jennifer in 1999 when her sister was murdered. She subsequently moved to Cape Town to live with her cousin.
While it was a culture shock having to adapt in the big city, it was good to have the opportunity to expand her knowledge of this condition in a city with people who seemed more knowledgeable. Her new school presented many new challenges and she found it difficult to fit in. The “gay crowd” was not very accepting and “the normal” kids did not understand her situation. As a result she ended up being pushed from one group to the other.
Despite all this, she graduated from high school and gained admission to university to pursue a degree with the scholarship she was awarded. Her doctor referred her to the Grootte Schuur Hospital where she was assessed for surgery. It was yet another set back for Jennifer when the surgical programme at Groote Schuur Hospital did not materialise due to lack of funding and surgical skills.
A very determined Jennifer continued to research the possibility of having surgery of this kind in South Africa. It took her another six years before a surgeon from East London referred her to the multi-disciplinary team of specialists that run the Gender Reassignment clinic at the Steve Biko Academic Hospital in Pretoria.
Dr. Colin is the psychiatric specialist who evaluates patients for admission to this clinic. In doing so, he relies on the “Harry Benjamin Gender Disphoria International Standards of Care”. “This involves a series of psychiatric tests to determine whether a patient’s psychiatric faculty is consistent with that of transsexuality”, says Dr Colin.
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Dinky’s Story
I was born in what is now known as Riverlea in 1953. I am one of 3 children, and the only survivor. My sister and brother are both deceased. My mother is also deceased. My mother and father divorced when my twin brother and I were four and my sister was eight. We never really lived with my mother; my grandmother raised us.
I found out I was different at a young age because I never liked playing with girls. I played football, rugby and all those boy games. I was always attracted to my same sex, and that happened in the convent and in a reformatory. I was never attracted to the opposite sex, never was and never will be.
In those years everyone was in the closet. Nothing was public. But to me it wasn’t really difficult because I used to move around with the boys just as I am. I was very different from other lesbians. The last gym dress I wore was at the age of 14. Once I cut off my long ponytail I never looked back. Now I’m bald. For me it’s different and I feel different from the others. I don’t know why they hide their sexuality by first going to the opposite sex, having a child and then admitting they’re lesbian. If I can do research I’d ask them flat out ‘what did you think you were doing?’ If they were raped, something like that I can still understand.
I used to move around in Hillbrow at a club then called Club 505. It was the Barbarella’s, Zipps came years after that. There you could now really see gay crowds but in the time we grew up we had no advantages. We were not accepted then. All of them jumped into the closet. That’s why a lot of people never ever knew what I was. I liked to participate in sports and the only sport that was a bit masculine that I played was hockey. Otherwise there was nothing else. Today you can play soccer and cricket and you can see who is a lesbian in those teams.
Today they really have a lot of privileges. They can openly walk hand in hand. One could always make out who is the butch and who always wears a skirt and blouse. But now it’s unisex and you can wear what you want. You are accepted in your job and wherever you work. This was the year 1971. I was living in Westdene, and sub-contracted to Roberts Construction. I worked there for a year. He didn’t even know what I was and once when I was arrested, my employer came down to the police station. He was looking for a male and they looked and there was no such person. They looked in the female section and there I was and they said she’s a she, not a he. Later I found out that my employer was dumb-founded.
At work, the problem came in using the mobile toilets. I had overalls with straps. I was so absent- minded that instead of fastening the straps inside the toilet I came out fastening the straps. This Afrikaner says, ‘hey, hoor hierso, mannetjie? Hoekom werk jou maag altyd’ (Translated: hey, boy, listen here, why is your tummy always upset?) Then I said, oubaas, dit is seker maar die kos wat my ma kook.’ (Translated: It’s probably the food my mother cooks). I used the male toilets because one day I went into the female toilet and was smacked out. That happened years ago but I never ever went into the female toilets again.
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I have gone through trauma my whole life because the whole community hated the fact that I acted like a girl. What they didn’t know was that it was not a choice I had made but something I was born with. I am God’s creation just like everybody else. I was beaten many times and even lost part of my hearing that way. The hardest thing was that I could not confide in anyone since in Zimbabwe it is taboo and illegal to be the way I was (transgender). My life and the life of my parents’ were at risk because people were threatening to burn down our house. That is when I decided to run away, in order to protect both myself and my family. I decided to come to South Africa, where I have met wonderful and caring people through Gender DynamiX. My life is just starting to make sense and I have a little bit of peace in my heart, something that I haven’t felt before.
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